Hope everyone is staying healthy and safe during this….interesting time. My husband and I are doing our best to stay sane, while my toddler and dog are living it up as the centers of our attention.

I matched to my first choice for residency, so I’m incredibly grateful that I’ll be starting work on the front lines of this pandemic crisis in a couple of months…maybe sooner. Rumors are swirling about potentially graduating our class early so that we can get to work. Many medical schools in Europe, as well as a few here in the US have already done so, and I personally think it’s a good idea. But for now, I’m finishing up a couple more electives from home and taking one day at a time.

This is such an uncertain time, and I know I’m not alone in my anxieties about our future. My husband’s job is in a state of limbo at the moment as his company is trying to figure out how to handle the changing economy. We are really worried that he’ll be laid off. I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with my landlady yesterday about what our options may be if we suddenly lose the main source of our income. As a first year resident, I definitely will not be making enough to support us on my own here in DC.

We’ve been keeping our son home from daycare the last couple of weeks while still having to pay for it. I am really scared that we will lose childcare entirely after I go to work–a lot of healthcare workers are having a super hard time finding caretakers that will accept their children because they are potentially exposed to COVID every single day. I’m worried that this will affect my husband’s ability to go back to work as well. We can’t afford a nanny, and our backup source of childcare is my mom–she’s in her mid-60’s, though, and I don’t want to put her and my dad at risk.

And, of course, I’m worried about getting sick. When–not if–I get COVID, I will almost certainly bring it home and infect my husband and child. Hopefully, we’ll be lucky because we’re all young-ish and healthy, but that’s not a given by any means. Healthcare workers all over the world are getting sick, in the ICU, and many are dying. I had to update my will, POA, and living will yesterday…and as a 33 year old woman, I can promise you it’s no fun at all to have to figure out who will care for your 15-month-old if you suddenly die.

I don’t mean this post to be cynical or even nihilistic. I have been so moved by acts of kindness in our community between neighbors, time I am now able to spend with my family at home re-watching old Disney movies and re-discovering my love of cooking and reading, and the opportunity to re-connect with friends at virtual happy hours. One way or another, this pandemic will end and life will get back to normal. We’ll get to go out to dinner again, take vacations again, and hug our relatives again. But it’s hard to look forward to that when there is so much fear and uncertainty right in front of us.

For now, all we can do is count our blessings, look for silver linings, and be kind to one another. And wash your hands…obvi.